Selections from my dream journal, updated periodically.

🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿🧿

March 7 2017

I’m living with friends in a decrepit mansion. We go down to the beach, I get a miniature swordfish head stuck in my mouth when I’m swimming, and the ‘sword’ pierces my cheek. We try to Uber to a hospital but my fingers are too swollen and I can’t type. I end up ripping it out myself when it starts fermenting in my mouth.

February 3 2018

Elongated version of the checkout lane, lit like an interrogation table. A regular customer who I dislike in real life comes through my line. There are keypads at both ends, and while she is trying to enter her credit card info I keep fiddling with mine to disrupt her. She asks me to stop. I say “Die.” She asks me to repeat myself and I say it again. I run out of the store and into my car. High speed chase through rural countryside until I finally evade her successfully. A white tent. I hide within the tarp, and the rustling of something behind it wakes me up.

August 29 2018

My vape overheated and burned the interior of this condo I had lived in as a child. For some reason Shepard Fairey was my neighbor. My parents decide to sleep there anyway instead of going to a hotel to save money. On my way to an improv thing with L., the flyer said to wear something ugly. I want to go home to change but he counters that I fulfill those requirements every day of my life, which hurts my feelings. Walking against traffic.

December 25 2018

Living in a big dilapidated housing complex/gallery with acquaintances from school. We find two female corpses in the vacant lots adjacent to ours, but our calls to the authorities go unanswered. One of the corpses is in a van, “posed”. Trying to help B. with his latest project, but he’s too scattered and bad at delegating. Running around some kind of trade show type event. I want to recover my ceramics from the Integrated Studies department, but I keep getting turned around in the building.

April 30 2019

Open floor plan. At a party. 10 Axolotls each housed in individual fish tanks on a blue mosaic table. A man there is killing them and cutting off the little red feeler things on the top of their head. He keeps referring to them as “teeth”, and he’s collecting them for someone named Teeth. I can’t bear to look at what he’s doing, and I only know they’re being killed because I ask A. to look and confirm for me. I leave, shoplift an ice cream sandwich from the grocery store, and am followed into the parking lot by a security guard.

May 10 2019

Cooking chicken in a commune but then I fuck up and get kicked out. Getting ready for work, I have to wear an absurd amount of makeup as part of my job. My boss won’t let me clock in without it. I’m a cashier again, and keep getting complimented by strange men. My mother and I share a bathroom, she’s like an invalid who rubs essential oils on herself placebo-style. Drawing two extra eyebrows on my face to deter unsolicited compliments, but everyone doubles down on them instead. People keep trying to lift my skirt at work. I call C. and he tells me to get this Freddy Krueger glove for self-defense.

June 10 2019

Squatting illegally in an apartment, no electricity but we have running water. Getting into an argument with A.M. but I don’t really know why. I make my bed and leave because I have to pick up A.G and M. from the airport. A.G wearing his Aphex Twin shirt and it’s full of holes. They are hungry. We go to a restaurant and the waitress chops a large grey lizard in half directly in front of me. I start crying. I confide to M. how hurt I feel and get really hysterical.

Aug 20 2019

I’m a driver and I pick up this really beautiful woman. She tells me to drive up to an isolated street at the top of Mt. Washington and starts changing clothes in the backseat. We start talking to each other about the Alessandra Mussolini song I’m playing and she’s really knowledgeable about Italo Disco...I drop her off and she blows me a kiss.

Aug 21 2019

Drinking milk and these dark chocolate chip cookies on the sidewalk by monrovia library with A.M. The cops come and ask us for some. We eat in silence for a long time. Later, he and I are on the roof of this building. He takes a glass out from his pocket and asks if he should give it back to the restaurant. I throw it on the ground and break it.

We meet up with C. and A.A. We go to this old medieval castle and see a dead lady’s mummified corpse on display.

November 4 2019

At an Italian villa and a friend of my dad’s is getting cremated and his ashes spread in a shallow pool. His son dives in and disappears into a square in the center of the pool. My mom finds him later and asks three old people in a room if they have an extra mattress for him. I call D. and tell him about how nice the place is.

At a feminist art class in one of the rooms, taught by T. During crit he consults a handbook written by a feminist artist.

The first two questions are “Men wear loose boots, how do you feel?” and “Why do women wear bandages halfway down on their head?” It’s like a Voight-Kampff test. I answer that women wear bandages halfway down their head to hide their eyebrows and thus appear more vulnerable. J. is in my class and this girl mixes up our names just to be bitchy. She keeps calling me his name during crit.

May 12 2020

I was watching a documentary on Vivienne Westwood and she was married to John Lydon for some reason. In the doc she was wheelchair bound and it was because when she was younger she got into an accident where she lost both of her legs and everyone assumed she died. She opened the casket at the funeral and screamed at everyone to reattach her legs. My aunt who doesn’t actually exist had bought some designer fashion label and was using it as a front for illegal activities, and had an office in a strip mall next to a cell phone store. The guy who ran the cell phone store was also selling vibrators that looked like celebrities likenesses….like a silicone barbie doll version of a Kardashian that was insertable. The currency everyone was using was ore cards from Settlers of Catan instead of money.

May 15 2020

These three guys are living in A.’s room. Two of them have been taking CoQ10 and packets of emergen-C for weeks and it has significantly heightened their IQ. They perform surgery on the third one so a book is attached to his head. One of the guys tells me how stupid I seem to him in comparison now, kisses me passionately, and says, See, that was like kissing a monkey.

June 5 2020

Rock formation. Seeing A. and his brother walking on them but they’re facing away from me. Shit talking voiceover, like a movie.

Paintbrush.

A yard and patio set in front of like an Eames-ish house. An old man is facing away from me and toward the house. We’re telepathically communicating. He says that some humans were smart enough to know that nothing happened after death from the start but invented heaven because they weren’t able to convince others how good the void is and had to “sell” it in a weird disguise. he becomes a pink tablecloth and flows toward me on the wind and I run away because if the sheet touches me I die.

Cross my heart and hope to die...I keep doing the sign of the cross and murmuring that but the devils around me say I’m doing it wrong and that it’s not working. The devils are wearing pastel yellow button up shirts like the old man...flying over a canyon.

Walking outside. Me telling C. that I am really terrible at hiding how high I am and him being like...Yeah dude, you blacked out and shit yourself in my moms car earlier.

Watching an old livestream. People dying. A.Y. was hosting remotely and feels responsible, I hug him in a bathroom and kiss him as he cries.

I join a guerilla army and kill some of the most wealthy people in the US, and get to decide what i want to do with some of the funds. I buy Tongva land and give it back to the people (feels performative even in the dream).

Homeless dwarf who is making a YouTube documentary on how legislative decisions have led to a certain stretch of freeway to become a hub for pirates and killers...sewage on the road encampments and stuff. The dwarf turns out to be a white supremacist and burns down a bookstore. I’m in the basement of the bookstore and I walk upstairs and see him through the glass and he really wants to kill me.

John boyega ?

August 15 2020

A. texting me from a food court at a mall but I could see him in a little cutout in my field of vision...like a thought bubble. He basically friend zones me in the texts—“trying to think of U as a cousin but it might be a crush…”

With my parents smoking cigarettes at a graveyard. Later we go to this mysterious house and I was trying to sleep at the foot of this huge bed with my parents but my mom complained that I moved too much and kicked me out...took a pillow and blanket with me. Ended up at a McDonald’s, ordered a hash brown. Kept asking for the hot salsa they had but I ended up w a terrible runny chipotle tapatio type beat. Old time feel, chrome shiny 1950’s...one of the bussers asked me abt publishing and whether I was a girl or a boy.

August 19 2020

A. and I tried to sneak into this graveyard that was set way down in the earth like a landfill, you needed to walk down all these steps and ladders like Devil’s Gate. I was on a scooter and A. like...reverted to his 10 year old self bc he thought it’d be easier to avoid detection if he was smaller but we got caught at the gate by someone w a big key ring that had a million keys on it.

August 28 2020

I’m working the census in Malibu but I’m taken to an area that looks like the Venice canals. Knocking on doors there, it gets really hot so I start leaving notices of visitation while just in a t-shirt and underwear hoping no one sees me. My legs are longer in reflections. A lemon tree. I touch the fruit and someone in the house right behind me clears their throat really loudly, so I don’t take any.

At the end of the canal the ocean leads directly to Point Dume. I drive my car into the end of the canal and leave my phone in a part that isn’t completely submerged. I start swimming over and climb to the top.

Later—I’m in a car + plane + bus hybrid thing getting on the 110 thru chinatown. The plane requires everyone to push these pedals underneath the seat that are connected to this inflatable component and reach a certain speed. there’s a problem with mine and suddenly we all stop. The pilot tells me to unscrew the mechanism and get out. I’m by side of a freeway and R. picks me up but he’s late for a job so he’s pissed that he has to take me home.

I’m home and J. and A. are in my room talking. I tell them that I watched Messiah of Evil and A. kind of dunks on me for being into it, said he saw it at too many screenings and he’s matured beyond that kind of campy horror movie. I tell them both to leave.

October 26 2020

A. and I work at a co-op nursery and grocery store together but we pretend like we don’t know each other. I knock over a shovel and almost behead myself. Everyone is talking about how lucky I am.

One of my professors from CSUN is my boss and I take an hour lunch to get bouillabaisse from a restaurant I’ve heard about in Rosemead. I’m carpooling with people who end up at a thrift store. I am waiting for them to be finished because I only have an hour but they take forever. I finally get to the restaurant but they have weird chicken sandwiches in boxes that are “bouillabaisse-flavored”. I buy four and get back to work really late. I hide in a crawl space above the break room and call someone. I’m watching C. eat crudités.

January 22 2021

The mall.

Finding out J. has a girlfriend because he says, “I’m mixing this song my girlfriend wrote.”

Spending the night at C.’s, she has like 4 cats. One is a mom who is fiercely protective of her daughter cat.

J. driving me thru PCH. We drive past a body of water and he’s like. I conquered that lake last night and slept on the water. I look down and there’s a DIY tube structure hammock thing suspended above the water.

Marie Antoinette and the holy Roman empress at a golf course.

February 22 2021

I’m at work and a girl and her little brother are there. Their mom died and turned blue. The brother is too young to understand death so he put his face to his mother’s and some of the blue rubbed off on his glasses like it was paint.

I want to adopt them but the sister volunteers at a church and wants to live there. I follow her to the church and she is there serving mexican food. i look into a mirror and fall into it. in the mirror-room A. just broke up and his ex wants to experiment with me to make him jealous. I decline.

I’m at Lassen’s but it’s two stories and also a book/video rental store. I’m walking up the stairs in between a woman and her daughter. the daughter is trying to cut in front of me to catch up with her mom but the stairs are so narrow I can’t make room for her.

All of my hair is falling out. Patchy, stringy, orange. 

September 2 2021

I am in a house and O, is complaining about how her granddaughter missed an important developmental milestone after hitting her head and has to go to the doctor for an additional evaluation.

I walk out on the property to this little back house with an oval window. J. is standing in the doorway telling me how he got a well-paying job at this agency but has learned that they perpetuated the Rwandan Genocide and is now super conflicted about it, asking What do they even want me for? skeptically.

Somehow over the course of our discussion I bring my hands up to cup his face.  We kiss briefly and he makes a big show of leaving because it’s inappropriate. The door opens again a few seconds later and he rushes me, we start making out. <REDACTED SEX STUFF SORRY !>

January 26 2022

A. lives in D.’s old house in Monrovia, and his room is the same room. It is extremely cluttered and he is gaming. I tell him my ex used to live here and he thinks I’m trying to make him jealous or something.

Driving past the Santa Fe Dam and on the rocks is this huge spiral of dead or dying fish.

Watching CCTV footage of an MFA lecture and B. is sleeping in his seat toward the front of the class. S. is also there. I text C. about an installation question I have and he ignores me.

I make this drawing that’s like Pikachu evolutions at a Shell gas station.

I write B.’s name on a piece of paper and put it in a glass of water as a way of getting him to text me back. I pour sugar into the glass. I do this three times and am juggling all of the glasses carefully while walking down the street.

March 21 2022

At a huge theater because there’s a screening of Videodrome but instead they start playing some CGI movie about dinosaurs. i see C. L. and K. eating popcorn but they are ignoring me.

I walk out.

I go to S. and E.’s apartment and am like. Yeah I like being able to kinda post up somewhere that isn’t mine and S. says something about me being unable to be alone with my thoughts.

Wheelchair in an empty lot as i walk back to my car…something with C.G. again.

I go back to the theater but now everyone is saying they can’t play Videodrome because if it gets played last in a given evening something really bad will happen cos the print is cursed. I recognize a girl with a black eye and she tells me that while I gave her the black eye it was totally warranted and she understands why I had to do it. I have a flashback to punching her in the face at the same theater a week prior but can’t remember why.

April 3 2022

At a bar, I ask the guy for something citrusy, like an aperol spritz but less boring. The name of the cocktail he offers me is funny but I forget.

Another bartender takes out this plate of fancy canapés but won’t let me have one as they’re for someone’s dog—it’s a little cracker topped w mega thinly sliced cucumber and some other things...dill or wahatever.

S. is in the driver’s seat of my car talking about how I led some creepy people on at the bar and we should get out before they catch up with us. I turn around and there’s a slow moving zombie hoard of men.

We switch seats and I start driving. She tells me she fucked B. at school and it makes me sad lol.

I pull into a cut and am basically stuck when trying to reverse cos there was a quinceñanera in one of the houses and just a lot of party shit precariously close to the curb. Like a taco cart and shit.

Looking at my backup cam.

May 19 2022

I visit K. one night and the layout of where he is is like Bollingen Tower a bit. He lives on this lower level with a roommate and B lives in this outbuilding up some stairs. Very rustic, water from a well. People outside on horseback.

I get a letter from B. and I write a questionnaire and some poems for him Dwight Twilley style. I send it via intradepartmental mail because I guess the Bollingen Tower building has that. A guy I don’t know takes the letter and delivers it.

He responds right away. The envelope is black. I want to see him so badly but for some reason I can’t and he is teasing me about it in the questionnaire answers.

The next night I return to K.’s with my mother right as he’s coming back from a restaurant with the girl he’s doing BDSM stuff with. He’s like. Oh you can hang out in this third room if you want but I’m indisposed. My mom thinks he’s very nice.

I go back a third night. B.’s door is open and I can see inside his room from the midpoint on the stairs. No B.

K. and I start hooking up because we’re bored and I feel spiritually castrated by B.’s absence and definitive lack of interest. K. says something that makes me very self-conscious so I go to the bathroom and start brushing my teeth, but there are a bunch of empty toothpastes and I can’t find a specific one that I want to use. The toothbrush is red.

May 26 2022

I am getting together evidence from this concert that happened years ago, Bush era, doing research and looking at archival footage …Manila folder style.

Then I am biking in an unfamiliar industrial area with a group of tweens. They are really funny but they think i’m laughing at them and get quiet.

At my parent’s house and my dad is burying a box of little figurines in the front yard by the sago palm. I’m upstairs and he shows them to me through the window. One in particular was mine or really felt like mine. She had red hair and her head was detachable. Apparently we whispered wishes into them and are burying them to complete the cycle and make the wishes come true. He has construction equipment. He says i can keep the red haired figurine if I want bc once it’s in the ground it won’t come out but I want my wish to come true so I let him bury it. I’m thinking about my parents separating or dying or something and the new owners not knowing that box is down there.

I don’t know what I wished for.

This guy who followed me on tumblr comes to my house to help me with my research. My mom is suspicious of him. He’s in my room w the door closed and is talking abt how good my ass looks in jeans …I’m looking at him and am not attracted to him but can’t rly explain why…he’s thinks we’re gonna fuck. I trick him into thinking we’re going to a pool hall so he leaves the house to get his car and my mom won’t let him back in.

His car from the upstairs window looks like a sleek white computer mouse. It is dark and rainy.

My phone is auto dialing people for some reason and calls R. twice. R. has a fake out voicemail that sounds like he answered. I am trying to turn my phone off before it calls more people.

J. is mad at me for declining his invite to the movie and I’m like bro u didn’t even ask me before u bought the ticket.

Vague ceramics interval...

I’m on the train to SF. I text S. that I’m getting out of LA for a while and they’re like. That bad, huh?

I lean back in my seat and close my eyes.


November 20 2022

I become convinced this rapper lived in my old apartment before I lived there bc of the layout of the kitchen in the background of one of his earliest music videos and i tell C. and he’s like. Why didn’t we blow up, why didn’t we make it out the mud?
and I’m like, we suck!
Hole punching my Pettitbon poster.

November 30 2022

It’s L.’s birthday, and i’m at a restaurant with him and some friends. An old dog and a young cat are there having a stand-off at one of the tables pawing at each other, and  take a video. L.’s friends are funny and are very surprised that I was ever his girlfriend. They invite me to a party. He asks me to unblock him so he can send me the invite. I deliberate.


X. calls me and lies, says its his birthday too for attention. I believe him briefly but then remember it can’t possibly be true. He asks me What’s up…is it just sex? and then describes a sex dream he had about me that caused him to call. I’m annoyed and hang up.


I get in line for a drink at the restaurant. A girl says that she enjoyed seeing me laugh at the table and how I light up when my friends talk. I try to compliment her outfit and suddenly she’s so grave like. You don’t have to compliment me just because I gave you a compliment. I take a few steps back.


I call X. back because I feel kinda hooked despite myself and he pretends he’s super busy working on this really big thing. I lie too and say I’m dating a soundcloud rapper. He’s kinda needled by this but trying to sound nonchalant like. oh what’s one of his rhymes. i make one up on the spot…


pissed on your daughter/fiji water


I think about how similar L. and X. are, at the core. It startles me and I decide not to unblock L.

I leave the restaurant. 

January 13 2023

Masturbating but not to completion, Huberman Lab playing on the TV and my phone simultaneously but it’s not like my J/O material or anything.

Watching a 180 minute film with 80 minutes of bonus material that is completely incomprehensible to me: a brother teaching his younger brother now to be a serial killer varicose veins exploding poetically an old people dying during sex.

Looking thru M.’s fridge, fancy sashimi plate but not for me.

I go back to the studio K. and J. have been practicing too loud and C. is mad at me.

I kiss K. and am surprised but happy.

Later I am throwing out bad food from a fridge.

April 13 2023

Turning into a grasshopper but in the wrong places (leg growing out of my head like Nike swoosh).

People are supportive at first but then think i’m just doing it for attention and a ‘social reset’ after my crimes so the situation deteriorates.

Going to a party and I get into an argument with a girl about my reputation.

Spotlight on this small carpeted island/raised platform situation that’s me talking to a therapist about why everyone is pissed at me and seemingly making decent progress, but then hands emerge from outside the spotlighted area and the room beyond the carpet circle is huge + filled with angry mob

People kill me/rip my wings off but I only see their hands.

May 8 2023


Oranges start growing rapidly in New England.

Wood frame house/historical museum about the oranges taking a shine to the region one fateful day, then overtaking Florida’s orange production by 2000% percent. Graphs and stuff all of this information is presented like a documentary that flashes before my eyes. The trees grow strangely. A cult of the orange emerges.


A teenage boy throwing a shimmering iridescent gel at a concrete wall and then it becomes a future cube for scrying. The boy is significant to the cult of the orange and i find this manual about raising children in the cult. Aberrant practices are permitted so people grow up to be rapacious and socially indestructible.


I’m on the roof of the house and I hear Justin Bieber’s Baby playing at a distance. There’s a community event but no one there.